2 HPT's, one last night, one this morning...both negative.
*sigh*
I really don't know why I bother sometimes. I mean, what's the point? After 4 years of constantly having reasons to say "hey, that COULD mean I'm pregnant!", only to get a negative HPT every damn time (except that one time...and we know how that one turned out...), it's hard to be optimistic about anything. Even these last few times when I *knew*, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I *had* to be pregnant...still a part of me, in the back of my mind, knew the test wouldn't turn positive. And that part of me is starting to wonder -- has been wondering for some time -- if any test will ever turn positive...and if it does, will it be like the last one? A week or two (or more) of elation that the struggle is finally over, only to have the rug pulled out from under us again? It's like my body saying "Look! Success! Finally!....Psyche!"
I'm really not sure how much more of this I can take.
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I am sorry. I know how disappointing the negative tests can be. How dare they be so glaringly white? I can't handle the digital ones when I am not pregnant. That NOT PREGNANT just seems so mean. Couldn't they at least put a SORRY at the end?
I have had days like this when I wonder if I will ever be a mom. And days when I wonder how much more I can take. Only you can decide that. Just know that I am thinking about you and hoping for better days ahead - and SOON.
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