It was a year ago today that I found out I was pregnant. Finally, after countless negatives, a test turned positive.
In turn, the 15th will mark one year since I miscarried that pregnancy.
Reflecting on the last year, it’s difficult to comprehend that just one year ago, I was pregnant. It’s hard to imagine that overwhelming feeling that the surreal had just become real, that there was no turning back, that in a few months, it would finally be our turn to have our lives turned upside-down by a new baby. At last, we could go into Babies R Us as real parents-to-be. Our entire identity was changing. We were part of The Club. We were going to be parents.
A year later, we’re still who we were, just another year older and no closer to being parents than we were before that test turned positive. We’ve had a few fleeting glimpses of hope, as I’ve mentioned in previous entries when I thought I might be pregnant from time to time. But that identity, the elusive title of “parents”, is still beyond our grasp.
It’s difficult to accept that one year after a positive test result, we’re still no closer to having a baby.
There is a faint glimmer of hope right now, but I’m trying not to hang too much on it. My last period more closely resembled implantation bleeding than an actual period; both tests were negative, so I’m going to give it a few more days, and then try again. My bra is a bit tight, too. So…there’s a possibility…a slim chance, but a chance nonetheless. And if it turns out to be negative, which would not surprise me, we’ll keep going, and hope that a year from now, we are celebrating more than just the second anniversary of a positive pregnancy test.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I just read through all your posts. In your first post after you went off the pill I thought it sounded like endometriosis and I am not in the medical field and have never had it. How did your doctor's miss that. Well they say someone has to graduate last in their class.
Are you drinking Red Rasberry leaf and Red Clover blossom infusions?
I don't know how they missed the endometriosis. My symptoms were so classic it's not even funny.
As far as the herbs you mentioned, I'll ask my acupuncturist about them. He's got me on several different Chinese herbs right now, which seem to be helping.
OHHH I am all excited I really hope you are. Lord knows you deserve it after all this. Crossing fingers (and maybe a few toes if I can manage it)
The year date is so sad. It was hard for me to realize I could have had a baby in my arms. Instead I was still trying. I hope your day is filled with love and hope!
Post a Comment